Jason and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost three year now. It wasn't until about nine months ago that I decided to start writing about. I honestly have not written anything since my freshman year of college, so I apologize for all of grammar mistakes. I am still not sure what made me start to blog but here is the reason why I continue to do so.
I feel like my blog is always sad! While Jason and I's situation is pretty sad I started blogging because I wanted to get the word out there about infertility issues. I think it is really easy for people to not think twice about it for many reasons. One being that it is such a personal issue. Unless someone very close to you is going through it you really don't know much about it. Another reason being that you cannot see physical damage happening to someone with fertility issues. Everything that happens to our bodies happens on the inside psychically. Not to mention that the whole process is emotional and draining on a couple.
Since I started blogging I have learned about more people that I know that are facing similar issues. It is nice to know that there are people out there that I can talk to that understand what we are going through.
I also hope that I can reach people that don't have fertility issues to help you better understand what your friends and family might be going through. Just remember that if you know someone going through fertility issues that it is very hard in so many ways. Just be there for them. Tell them you love and you will do anything they need.
Blogging has been a great outlet for me to think through and explain my feelings. While I do that I am also, hopefully, teaching people about something they didn't know about. It has also been a great way to keep people that love Jason and I informed about what is going on. It is really hard to repeat twenty times all the problems we have had. This blog lets people know and I don't have to explain it over and over again. There are so many things going on in our world that we are oblivious to. I hope that I am helping open this up to people in some way. It makes me feel better to think that all of this sadness and pain that we are going through is not for nothing. I hope in some way I have helped someone.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Thank God for Cy-Ranch football
Did I really just say that!?!?! Just six weeks ago I was dreading football season. Six weeks ago I was also pregnant. A lot of things have changed.
Football has been the distraction that both Jason and I have needed to help deal with everything that has happened in the last three weeks. Jason stays busy with practice, planning, watching film and games. Since he is gone so much I stay busy taking care of everything else. Football games have been great (even though there have only been two and we are 0-2 on the season). They are a great distraction for a few hours a week.
As I sit here after a tough lose knowing that all of the coaches are still at least a good hour from going home I can't help but be grateful for football season. You may never hear it from me again but right now I want, scratch that I need this season to go on longer then the remaining 8 weeks of the regular season.
The other amazing thing about Cy-Ranch football is the staff and their families. Everyone has been so kind to us. A few have had the right words to say to me when I needed them. Most are just there to offer a smile and hug and ask how we are doing. Right now that means to world to me.
I know 90% of the staff won't see this but Thank You! Yall have no idea how much your support means to us. You may not even know that you are supporting us but you are.
Let's have a great season and beat the Falcon's next week!
Football has been the distraction that both Jason and I have needed to help deal with everything that has happened in the last three weeks. Jason stays busy with practice, planning, watching film and games. Since he is gone so much I stay busy taking care of everything else. Football games have been great (even though there have only been two and we are 0-2 on the season). They are a great distraction for a few hours a week.
As I sit here after a tough lose knowing that all of the coaches are still at least a good hour from going home I can't help but be grateful for football season. You may never hear it from me again but right now I want, scratch that I need this season to go on longer then the remaining 8 weeks of the regular season.
The other amazing thing about Cy-Ranch football is the staff and their families. Everyone has been so kind to us. A few have had the right words to say to me when I needed them. Most are just there to offer a smile and hug and ask how we are doing. Right now that means to world to me.
I know 90% of the staff won't see this but Thank You! Yall have no idea how much your support means to us. You may not even know that you are supporting us but you are.
Let's have a great season and beat the Falcon's next week!
Monday, September 10, 2012
And now we wait...
Today I had my check-up with my doctor. Before I saw her I was really expecting for her to say everything looks great and you can start trying for a baby again. At most I was expecting her to say lets wait a month before you go back on the meds. Well that isn't what I heard. Physically right now everything is ok. I have healed from my procedure.
Whenever a D&C is done pathology is done on the tissue that they remove from your body. This helps you and your doctor determine what caused the miscarriage so that if it is something preventable or something you can't avoid then you know. 20% of all pregnancies end in a miscarriage. A lot of women have them. To be honest as much timing as it takes to get pregnant and as many problems as there are I cannot believe how many teen pregnancies there are. But that is beside the point.
The pathology returned that I had a molar pregnancy. What that means is there was too much genetic material from either Jason or I. There are two types a complete molar pregnancy is when a sperm fertilizes an empty egg. A partial molar pregnancy is when two sperm fertilize an egg. So in the end a mass grows in your uterus but can never grow into a fetus.
Now for the scary part, even though I had the D&C there is no guarantee that all of the cells from the molar mass are gone. I have to go back for blood work once a month for the next three months. If there are still cells from the molar mass then my body will think it is pregnant and all the mass to grow. At this point it becomes trophoblastic disease. There is a 20% chance that it can turn into that and a small chance that it can turn into cancer. If it grows back I will have to chemotherapy even if it never turns into cancer. The thing that scares me more then anything is what this will do to our chances to have a baby. I am also worried about the effect chemo will have on my daily life. Jason keeps telling me not to worry about it our be scared about something that we don't know about yet. My doctor took a pregnancy test today and it was negative which is good but if there are cells and they grow more then that might change.
Now for the sad part. Jason and I have to wait 3 months for the all clear to start trying again. On one hand after 3 years what is another 3 months and on the other hand after 3 years now we have to wait 3 more months.
I feel like Jason and I cannot catch a break. It is one thing after another after another with trying to have a baby. Jason and I are very lucky with the rest of our lives. Everything else is going great I just want this last thing to complete our lives. I keep reminding myself that God has a reason for all of this even if I am still not sure what it is.
We are asking for prayers over the new few months while we wait for the all clear. Thank you to all of you that have stood by us and helped us through this. We could not do it without yall!
Whenever a D&C is done pathology is done on the tissue that they remove from your body. This helps you and your doctor determine what caused the miscarriage so that if it is something preventable or something you can't avoid then you know. 20% of all pregnancies end in a miscarriage. A lot of women have them. To be honest as much timing as it takes to get pregnant and as many problems as there are I cannot believe how many teen pregnancies there are. But that is beside the point.
The pathology returned that I had a molar pregnancy. What that means is there was too much genetic material from either Jason or I. There are two types a complete molar pregnancy is when a sperm fertilizes an empty egg. A partial molar pregnancy is when two sperm fertilize an egg. So in the end a mass grows in your uterus but can never grow into a fetus.
Now for the scary part, even though I had the D&C there is no guarantee that all of the cells from the molar mass are gone. I have to go back for blood work once a month for the next three months. If there are still cells from the molar mass then my body will think it is pregnant and all the mass to grow. At this point it becomes trophoblastic disease. There is a 20% chance that it can turn into that and a small chance that it can turn into cancer. If it grows back I will have to chemotherapy even if it never turns into cancer. The thing that scares me more then anything is what this will do to our chances to have a baby. I am also worried about the effect chemo will have on my daily life. Jason keeps telling me not to worry about it our be scared about something that we don't know about yet. My doctor took a pregnancy test today and it was negative which is good but if there are cells and they grow more then that might change.
Now for the sad part. Jason and I have to wait 3 months for the all clear to start trying again. On one hand after 3 years what is another 3 months and on the other hand after 3 years now we have to wait 3 more months.
I feel like Jason and I cannot catch a break. It is one thing after another after another with trying to have a baby. Jason and I are very lucky with the rest of our lives. Everything else is going great I just want this last thing to complete our lives. I keep reminding myself that God has a reason for all of this even if I am still not sure what it is.
We are asking for prayers over the new few months while we wait for the all clear. Thank you to all of you that have stood by us and helped us through this. We could not do it without yall!
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Time heals all wounds....
....or so they say. Tomorrow will be two weeks since Jason and I found out we lost the baby. Even as I write this all I want to do is cry but it has gotten better. A big help for Jason and I both has been school and football. We have our first week of school done and our first football game under our belts. While the game was far from the outcome we wanted it was a nice distraction.
It has only been two weeks but Jason and I have learned a lot from the experience. While I have never doubted that Jason was the one for me this has more the proven that too me. Jason and I have been through a lot in our short 4 years of marriage; both of us being jobless for six months to being evicted from our rental home to spending 3 years of our marriage trying for a baby. Not to mention the crazy life that is being a football family. This whole thing has solidify to me that Jason is my one and only. I can't imagine going through the process with anyone else.
Jason has been an amazing husband and care taker for the last two weeks. He actually took some time off of football, which is unheard of, to take care of me after my procedure. Even with his crazy schedule he has made sure that things are being done around the house and that life is just a little bit easier for me.
I know for me the changes we have made in the last two weeks has nothing to do with me being depressed or sad or recovering from the D&C. The changes have been made because Jason and I have realized how short life is and how we have to take advantage of every minute we have.
I have been fortunate enough in my life that I have never had a major loss in my life. Three of my grandparents are still living (the one that is gone died when my mother was in high school), both of my parents are still alive and married, all of my aunts and uncles are still with us. You get the picture. I am so lucky to still have all of my important people with me. Losing the baby has been the hardest thing I have every go through. It has defiantly put a new perspective on life for me.
In the end time does heal all wounds. I will never forget the baby we lost but I do think I will be able to move on with my life. We have learned more from the little life in two weeks then I have learned in all of my 26+ years.
It has only been two weeks but Jason and I have learned a lot from the experience. While I have never doubted that Jason was the one for me this has more the proven that too me. Jason and I have been through a lot in our short 4 years of marriage; both of us being jobless for six months to being evicted from our rental home to spending 3 years of our marriage trying for a baby. Not to mention the crazy life that is being a football family. This whole thing has solidify to me that Jason is my one and only. I can't imagine going through the process with anyone else.
Jason has been an amazing husband and care taker for the last two weeks. He actually took some time off of football, which is unheard of, to take care of me after my procedure. Even with his crazy schedule he has made sure that things are being done around the house and that life is just a little bit easier for me.
I know for me the changes we have made in the last two weeks has nothing to do with me being depressed or sad or recovering from the D&C. The changes have been made because Jason and I have realized how short life is and how we have to take advantage of every minute we have.
I have been fortunate enough in my life that I have never had a major loss in my life. Three of my grandparents are still living (the one that is gone died when my mother was in high school), both of my parents are still alive and married, all of my aunts and uncles are still with us. You get the picture. I am so lucky to still have all of my important people with me. Losing the baby has been the hardest thing I have every go through. It has defiantly put a new perspective on life for me.
In the end time does heal all wounds. I will never forget the baby we lost but I do think I will be able to move on with my life. We have learned more from the little life in two weeks then I have learned in all of my 26+ years.
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